No, not that kind, the online sort. You know, the kind that always manage to get to the Xbox two minutes before you planned to. And the kind that do homework while watching TV, while visiting MySpace and YouTube, blogging, and picking their favorite stocks. Huh, stocks? What’s up with that?

Personally, I find teens annoying. They always manage to get to the game console just when I want to play. Or, here I am trying to use the phone to arrange a golf game. But I can’t hear because they’re making so much noise emailing their partner via the cellphone about some silly merger. And just when I plan to watch CSI they flip the channel to the Nightly Business Report.

Sheesh, can’t they grow up already?

Teens have monetized MySpace in ways I never would have thought of. Darn them. They put Google ads on their blog. Why didn’t I do that? They rush off to TeenAnalyst.com to share their latest stock picks. Like, oh yeah, I’m supposed to understand the difference between a debenture and a denture.

What next? Pretty soon they’ll be running behaviorally targeted ads for surgical gowns on TV, just while I’m trying to hear who did it.

Man, teens are irritating. Especially rich ones who earned it by being foresighted and clever and hard-working and tireless and dedicated. Why can’t they take up surfing? You know, the old-fashioned kind.